Growing up in a Joint Family

A Joint Family is an extended family arrangement prevalent among many Indians. The Joint family consists of many generations living under the same roof. All the male members are blood relatives and all the women are either mothers, wives, unmarried daughters all bound by the common relationship.

I am an Indian and I live in one such Joint family. Today I wanted to share my experiences having lived and been loved in a joint family since my birth.

My family consists of the three main men in the family, my father and his two brothers. Then it is their respective wives. Then each of the couple have two children. My eldest uncle and aunt have two sons. Then the other uncle has a son and a daughter and my father who is the youngest of the three brothers have me and my elder brother.

Being born in a joint family is one of the best things that can happen to you and I can tell this through my personal experience. I still remember all those festivals that we have celebrated, especially Diwali, the carom games, card games. These were games that EVERYONE in the family used to play. Then the yummy food prepared by all the three women of the family. Me and my other cousins used to play games like hide-and-seek, a game called as "tippy-tippy-tip-top" and I remember since I was the youngest of the lot I used to always be the scapegoat.

Since our flat used to be on the third floor, we used to harass the passer-by by calling out and hiding, during Holi throw water-filled balloons. We never felt the need for other children because we were always there for each other.

Now we have shifted to a bunglow, each family has their own space. But, even now, when we are older, have our own jobs and things to do, we all have the maximum fun when we get together during weekends or during festivals. Having the adults with us is an added bonus as it makes us feel more protected, loved and nurtured. Through all the experiences and anecdotes of the adults in our family, we have quite understood the worth of being in a HOME and not a house.


It saddens me that now-a-days the joint family system is becoming extinct and its place is being taken by nuclear families. It saddens me that not many would ever know the perks of growing up and BELONGING to a family because I don't really believe nuclear families offer that much attachment.

Happy birthday to my Vahini

So my Vahini (sister-in-law) celebrated her birthday this week. Another great year has been completed with her in our lives.

So today I'd like to share what I feel about my cute and lovely Vahini.

When I first met her, I instantly had a liking towards her and was very happy for my brother. I knew she would be just the right fit in our family and am glad I was right. We are a family of complete crazy people ahe she is just as crazy as us and that works :)

I have seen her through the 3 years she has been a part of the family and seen the positive influence she has had n my brother. She has made me more calmer than he was earlier, has bought much more stability in his life.

Me and my mom sometimes joke that because of her my brother now knows that women SURELY take time to get ready if we have to go out :D. Earlier my brother used to get all hyper if we used to get late to dress up and all if we had to go somewhere but now he knows that it DOES take time after all :P :D.

For me and my vahini, we are more like sisters and am glad I have her in my life. I always wanted a sister and she has filled that void and that too in a beautiful way. She is like the sister I never had but always wished for.

I wish her  many more awesome years to come with us and to always be happy :)
Cheers :)

Moving on & Letting go

Life is full of ups and downs, highs and lows.

Everyone in their lives have good experiences and bad experiences. The good experiences make life worth living and the bad experiences make you value the good experiences.

Whenever we have good experiences in life, we feel happy and blessed. But when we have to go through bad experiences we feel let down, blame our luck. But why can't we realize this that bad things happen; we meet the wrong people, we go through bad experiences but we can use these experiences as stepping stones to a greater success.

Agreed, forgiving and forgetting isn't easy and moving on is really difficult. But forgiving someone clears your mind, saves you from all the negativity that otherwise can consume you. Forgiving and forgetting the people who have wronged you, helps you in maintaining a calmer state of mind. Revenge in our hearts is like a poison. It can take you over. Before you know it, turns us into something ugly, its the worst part of being human. You don't want to do something for a short term high and then repent and feel embarrassed about it for the rest of your life. Forgetting isn't easy but forgiving is better.

One can choose to dwell in the bad experiences, sit in perpetual sadness, or can choose to learn from his mistakes and can correct his mistakes.

I believe every thing that happens in our life is for a reason. We may meet the wrong people, but these people make us realize the things that we don't want or who we never want to become. Failures help in building your character, it wakes you up like the Phoenix so that you can rise from the ashes and shine. Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, try and think what you can do next. Take each failure as a lesson and spend your energies moving forward. A life spent without making any mistakes isn't worthwhile.

I'd like to quote Dave Pelzer here-

"To help yourself, you must be yourself. Be the best you can be. When you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up and move on."

Love is

Love- it is a warm and an unexplainable feeling. Everyone experiences it at some point or other in their lives.

Loving someone is not necessarily loving a boyfriend/girlfriend or loving your spouse. Unconditional love can exist between mother-child, father-child and so on.

But today am going to try to express my interpretation of what I feel love is in a healthy, romantic relationship.

When someone falls in love it is the warmest and purest feeling anyone could ever have. Love gives you strength, it makes you to try and be a better person. When you love someone whole-heartedly and irrevocably, there is no other pure feeling than that.

Love is feeling your heart do the tango when your loved one is in front of you or even when you are talking to him/her. Love is trusting someone completely and trusting that your partner won't break your trust ever! Love is someone not being your drug, but someone who is like a wisp of fresh air that gives you a new lease of life.

Love is trying not to be someone's weakness but his/her strength. Love is not feeling the need to play mind games. Love is the inner feeling and need you get, to share everything with him/her, and hiding anything from him/her makes you feel guilty. Love is when you are there for each other during times of turmoil. Love is respecting each others views and feelings and not belittling him/her. Love is not taking him/her for granted. Love is missing him/her even if you are away from each other for a small duration of time. Love is when even small fights or speaking rudely to him/her makes you feel guilty about it and you actually feel sorry for it. Love is the happiness you feel when you reconcile after a fight.

But these days, I feel many people confuse being "in love" with other feelings they have. Loving or being in a relationship should always be healthy. It is often misconstrued that because someone is in a relationship or is married they are in love. Women who are in an abusive relationship think that their boyfriend/husband is being abusive because he loves her. Well, if someone really loves you, that person can't bear to see you in distress, so being abusive is out of question. I have even seen women try and play mind games and take undue advantage of the man who truly and deeply loves her. All these selfish, abusive feelings are never meant to be part of a good, healthy romantic relationship.

So when you are in such an abusive relationship stop trying to convince yourself that things will get better, that it is "love". No it is NOT! Love can never hurt, if it does, it is NOT love.

So all in all, I'd just like to say understand and always gauge your feelings. Try and understand if a relationship you are in, is being your strength or your weakness. If it is being abusive then try and get out of it, because being in an abusive relationship is the worst thing you can do to yourself. But if the relationship is a healthy, happy one then try work on it and that will make you feel liberated and the happiest you can ever be.
I'd like to quote Erich Fromm here-

"Immature love says, 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says, 'I need you because I love you.'"

Be your parent's child

Parents, when we read this word, most of us get a warm feeling in our hearts. Parents are a strength, emotional support to many.

Our parents have always been there whenever we have had an issue, they have been there to solve our problems, guide us during times of uncertainty, they emotionally and monetarily support us until we come of age. Parents teach us the important values and ethics that help us in becoming a better person. So basically the most overwhelming key to a child's success are his parents. Parents teach a child to love unconditionally, to respect others but are we forgetting what our parents taught us?

If statistics are to be believed one in three elderly people are abused in India. In addition, the report also states that 50% of the abuse comes from the family and in 56% of the cases, the abuse was from the son. In one of the leading metros, only 52.7% of children assist their elderly parents during sickness. The number of old age homes has exponentially increased across the country and more importantly, there are a large number of elderly people in the country who can neither go to an old age home nor live in peace within their homes. Do they deserve such treatment? Have parents seriously become a liability? Why are parents in such a sorry state?

In this materialistic and fast-paced world, parents are becoming liabilities and not assets. The modern population and the young crowd is so consumed with their own personal lives, with their own needs and requirements that there is no time left to share and love their parents. Everyone is running in the rat race for money and as a result emotions, love has taken a back seat.

Why are we forgetting that we are this successful now because of the unaccountable sacrifices of our parents? Even now, in many poor households in India parents don't eat so that their children are fed properly. Then why is it that when these children can actually buy enough food to be able to feed the household, they consider feeding their old parents a problem? Why are parents being mistreated and abused?

Our parents never got irritated when we couldn't take our first steps as a child properly. They used to encourage us to try again until we finally could walk on our own two feet. Then why do we get irritated when our parents ask us many times about operating a new gadget or when they ask us questions on how to use the modern technologies?

When someone new came to our house did our parents ever ask us to leave the house? Then why is it today that sons ask their parents to leave the home just because their wives are demanding it? Can't these sons explain it to their wives that as her parents are loved and respected by her even they respect their parents?

The youngsters go abroad because of the various job opportunities they have there and then settle down there. But, can't we think that during our parent's old age when they need us most, we are not paying attention to them? Yes, agreed abroad there are good job opportunities but while just thinking about ourselves I believe we should even consider what and how will our parents manage without us.

Is the youth so unable and unfortunate to not take care of their own parents that they feel need to be sent to old age homes? While it is important that everyone works in the family, isn't it also equally important to ensure the elderly are taken care of in an appropriate manner? The elderly are either being sent to old age homes or just thrown out of their own houses and have nowhere else to go.

It hurts me when I see the sorry state of the elderly in my own country.

I would just like to say-

A child who does not respect his own parents cannot respect anyone.

A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.

RAPE- A heinous crime and a sick mindset

Today, as my early morning ritual is, I started reading the newspaper and yet again there was a case of rape reported! The girl who was raped was termed as the "victim" and reading THAT always makes me angry. Why should the girl be tagged that! I feel the girl who lives through this sick nightmare should be called as a SURVIVOR!

We say that we have advanced and grown in all aspects - technology, mindset; but then why are women still looked upon as a piece of meat all over the world! Women are blamed that they "invited" this horrible fate to themselves because of their clothes or because they were roaming around late at night or because they have many male friends, can this mindset get more pathetic!


Even the logic that I fail to understand is, in the judicial system- when a woman is raped there are various levels of brutality and accordingly the punishment is given. But when a boy is raped it is considered as unnatural, and there is a fixed punishment to that. So help me understand- raping a girl is NATURAL and raping a boy is- unnatural! In which weird world is this logic applicable? Certainly not in our world where we call ourselves "human". RAPE is RAPE! Period!

If the clothes were the problem, then why are infants and adolescents raped? Even 2-3-year-old boys/ girls are raped! So, do these people who comment on the "clothes" of women want to say that the toddlers were dressed provocatively to invite that fate on themselves? Or can we seriously grow up and think that the fault lies within the society and within the mindset of the society, the sick mindset of the rapists?

Yes, I think it's the society because, in maximum countries around the globe, the society is patriarchal. We tend to make believe our sons/brothers that they have a higher authority and can get away with ANYTHING. If WE, as a society try and teach our sons in their childhood itself that every woman is to be respected and that a woman is more than just her body, then maybe it will be a small step to start a better society.

Making it mandatory in schools and colleges to teach students self-defense is also another step towards curbing these unfortunate incidences.
I came across this video on YouTube recently and would like to share it with everyone. Sarcasm has been put to good use. Please check it out.
http://youtu.be/8hC0Ng_ajpY

Series watched and currently watching

 

• Dexter- Season 8 was the last season
• Game of Thrones
• Sherlock Holmes
• White Collar
• The Vampire Diaries
• Scandal
• The Big Bang Theory
• One Tree Hill- Season 9 was the last season
• F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - Season 10 was the last season

Suggestions of other good series,  if any, that I can watch are welcome :)

And this is life- always changing

Times change, things change, people change.

We go along with our life, carry on with everything that is going on around us, carry on with our work but some times some things make us stop and ponder upon many things.

What was taken for granted earlier isn't there anymore. You have to adapt to it and change yourself too.

My brother got married and moved to a new house. His wife is now a great part of our lives. Sometimes I even joke with my mother that my sister-in-law is being treated more like a daughter and pampered more than even I have been. Its been almost 3 years now since he got married and moved on with his life. I always enjoy and look forward to the weekends we spend together. We all sit and can talk and laugh for hours and it makes me realize that more the people in your life, more is the joy in your life.

Academically speaking, I have finally completed my graduation in B.E. Mechanical with a First class. The only sad part that would haunt me is I missed a Distinction with 9 marks. But I take it as lesson for life- a little more effort and I can achieve more.

Now, am trying to be a great Technical writer and be successful in my field of work. Putting in hard work is a must.
The technical writing field excites me because it gives a chance to learn new applications, new tools, new domains, understand all the aspects before putting everything into words.So all in all, exciting times ahead! :-)

Changing times indeed!

Movies watched till now

Watched in 2013

• The Lunchbox starring Irrfan Khan ***1/2
• Fukrey ***
• Fast and Furious 4 **1/2
• Madras Cafe by Shoojit Sircar ****
• Shuddh Desi Romance (Genre: Romantic) **
• The Conjuring (Genre: Horror)****
• Aashiqui 2 (on DVD)**1/2
• Silver Lining Playbook starring Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper ***1/2
• Duniyadari (Marathi Film) ****
• Chennai Express by Rohit Shetty **1/2
• Raanjhanaa (2013) ***1/2
• Nautanki Saala by Rohan Sippy ***
• Special 26 (2013) (Starring Akshay Kumar, Anupam Kher) ***
• Bhaag Milkha Bhaag by Rakesh OmPrakash Mehra ****
• Iron Man 3 starring Robert Downey Jr. ***
• Aurangzeb starring Arjun Kapoor, Rishi Kapoor ***1/2
• Mere Dad ki Maruti by Ashima Chibber  ***
• Inkaar by Sudhir Mishra **

Watched in 2012

• Talaash (2012) by Reema Kagti ***
• English Vinglish (2012) by Gauri Shinde ***
• The Dark Knight Rises by Christopher Nolan ****
• Vicky Donor by Shoojit Sircar ***
• Gulaal by Anuraag Kashyap **** 
• Woman in Black starring Daniel Radcliffe **1/2
• Barfi (2012) by Anurag Basu ***
• The Avengers ***1/2
• Bol Bachchan (2012) by Rohit Shetty *** 
• The Kite Runner ****
• Ekk Main Aur Ekk Tu (2012) by ***
• 12 Rounds (satellite) ***
• Spiderman 2 and 3 (on DVD) ***
• The Perfect Stranger (satellite) ****
• The Sixth Sense (on DVD ) ****
• Agneepath (starring Hrithik Roshan)**
• Sherlock Holmes by Guy Ritchie*****
• Sherlock Holmes - A Game of Shadows by Guy Ritchie*****

Favourite Movies

• Titanic
• Jab We Met
• Chupke Chupke
• If Only
• Hum saath saath hai
• Pursuit of Happyness
• Harry Potter (the complete series)
• Sherlock Holmes (the complete series)
• Dilwale Dulhaniya le Jayenge
• Shawshank Redemption
• Lion King